Bernie, an old Jew who has spent many years in the clothing business, is retiring. His friends ask him, “What’re you gonna do after you retire?”

He says, “I think I’ll go down and join the New York Athletic Club.”

They say, “Bernie, what are you, crazy? They’ll never let a Jew in there!”

And he says, “Well, I have my ways. I think I can get in.”

Sure enough, after Bernie retires, he puts on a blue blazer with gold buttons, a pin-striped shirt, red silk tie, khaki Dockers, and boat shoes, and goes down to the New York Athletic Club to interview. He gets taken into a sumptuous room and a well-dressed elegant man comes out to interview him. The man sits down opposite Bernie and says, “Your name, sir?” 

He says, “Ah, yes. It’s Bernard Throckmorten, the Third.”

The interviewer writes it down. “And what line of work are you in, sir?”

Bernie says, “Well, yes, I’m retired now, but for many years I had a small boutique advertising agency on Park Avenue.”

The interview writes that down. “Are you married, sir? Do you have children?”

“Yes, my wife Mary does quite a bit of work for the Junior League. I have two children: Buffy and chip. They will be matriculating this year at Harvard and Yale, respectively.”

He says, “I see, sir. And your religion?”

“Ah, yes, we’re goyim.”


From Old Jews Telling Jokes, by Sam Hoffman with Eric Spiegelman; joke by Fred Rubin.

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